What I learned from watching the 2011 MTV VMAs

Another year another amazing MTV Music Video Awards. The purpose of this awards show is to honour the best in music videos, so all those long shoots in obscure locations with talented directors and choreographers finally pay off. We really take a look at the amazing work done in post-production where hundreds of hours of footage is compiled into 3 minutes of pure beauty. Then there’s the amazing sets, props and locations.

Oh wait, none of that was mentioned in the Video Music Awards that we saw. Doesn’t mean that those categories doesn’t exist – some of them do but it doesn’t make for good television now does it? So we concentrate on the cool people in their cool clothes.
The version that gets broadcast has very little to do with actual music videos, which is just as well for MTV as they don’t actually play music anymore.

The VMAs aren’t for epilepsy sufferers or for people with taste. It was a shambles. Here’s some things I learned from watching it.

Lady Gaga is one rough bitch. She looks twice as bad as a dude. No wonder people concentrate on her WACKY costumes, it draws attention away from her boat race you see.

Look at that face. Just look at it. Gadzooks.

So this year there apparently was no host even though this unfunny asswipe made appearances in every skit. I’m not sure who he is but if he’s a musician a million yen says he has a new album out soon. If he’s an actor then I bet he has a new movie or tv show that’s due out anyday now.

No idea who this guy is.

Nicki Minaj won the best Hip Hop Video award mere weeks after her ‘totally accidental’ nipslip on morning TV. Coincidence? Of course!
Also it pays to dress like a retard.

Cool outfit!

Those wacky party dudes LMFAO (also known as bizzaro Omar and Cedric) are now endorsed by Kia.

WHO ROCKS THE PARTY THAT ROCKS THE PARTY!

Jared Leto is 40 years old. This is how he dresses. He also won the award for shittest band logo tatooed on both your arms.

My name is Jared Leto and I have shit tats.

In keeping with tradition of MUSIC VIDEOS we had the rad chicks from Jersey Shore present an award. Again with the outfits. Again with the eye-gouging.

Rusty Rockets had some deep words to say about Amy Wino and how amazing she was. Then Tony Bennet came out and said the same. Then we had Bruno Mars play a tribute for her. BRUNO MARS! With his motherfucking hair! Tyler The Creator is right, now I want to stab him in his goddamn esophagus too.

SWEET HAIR BRAH!

Katy Perry wore a box for a hat. I would hate to be the dude that sat behind her.

Now it's just getting ridiculous.

That was about the worst of it. They did make a good call leaving Lil Wayne till last, his performance was messy as you’d expect. I liked it when he played guitar for a few seconds and then smashed it, I didn’t care much for the autotune. But that’s like going to McDonalds and complaining that the food is shit. You know what you’re in for yo. In true MTV style we had the volume cut whenever there was a naughty word, so watching this shamozzle was nigh-on-possible with all the sound mutes. They ruined the best thing of the evening.

Watch it.

So yeah. This is what MTV says is our current state of music. I disagree.

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